When we are trying to heal ourselves, it is often hard to let go of those that do us harm. Why? More often than not, they are our family, and/or sons and daughters. Toxicity comes in all manners of life from family to friends. They are the ones that keep us oppressed, verbally abusing us in all manners and ways, and just generally don't have an ounce of kindness or support in their bones.
These are the kinds of people that we have to walk away from. Yes, that means family too. Just because they are your family of origin doesn't mean that they have to be your family. This past May, I had to make a very crucial decision to walk away from ALL my family - both sides. Why? One side refused to acknowledge my abuse and the other side thinks my narcissistic mother could do no wrong. Neither side has been pleased with me being vocal about the abuse that lasted from3 years old until 18 years old. Which, in turn, caused me Severe Major Depression and PTSD.
I also had to break contact with my daughter. She has own set of issues and refuses to get help for herself. As a result, she is verbally attacking me because I REFUSE to give her 100% of my time and stop my walk on my healing journey from abuse.
So yes, it's hard. It's hard to let go. But ask yourself this question - How long do you want to keep on feeling this way? Don't you want to feel better? Don't you want to smile and be happy? I know I do. I don't see many of those days right now but when I get one day of that or even a couple of hours of that? I love it!
I wouldn't though be able to move forward had I not let go of all the negative, toxic people in my life. They created more chaos, kept me discouraged, and just generally didn't care about my welfare. I am glad I made the decision I made. Because of it, I am able to move forward on my healing journey.
Sometimes, though, it takes us awhile to figure out how to get that happiness. All it takes is a whisper of notion planted in our heads to show us and move us in the right direction. All it takes is for one positive, supportive, caring person to be there for us and with us on our journey to happiness so that we know we are not alone.
But we have to make the decision to take that first step and willing to take that step and not look back. It's hard. I know it's hard. I went through the same thing. You know, when we are in our "dark place", we know that what decisions we make we ALWAYS know what the outcome is going to be - not a good one most of the time.
But when we decide to move forward out of our "dark place"? It's scary and intimidating. We aren't sure if going in this other direction is going to work. But we have to try though. It's one avenue we haven't tried yet. So why not try it? What's the worse that could happen? Better yet, what's the best that could happen?
Moving forward requires that we move out of our "comfort zone". In doing so, it makes us vulnerable - a place we don't like to be in. Being vulnerable makes us feel scared, naked, and alone. But it doesn't have to be that way. All we need is one person to start with. For me, that one person was a Trauma Counselor that deals ONLY with trauma issues such as assault, rape, domestic violence, etc. It started with her.
Now, I have a few offline peeps that support me 100% as well as my husband, and a handful of online peeps that support me as well. Has my journey so far been easy? NO. NOT EVEN. In the beginning, I had emotions coming at me from out of no where. Those finally died down after about three weeks. My sleep pattern is bouncing back and forth - sometimes I can sleep with no help of a sleep aide and other times, I need a sleep aide to stay asleep. Flashbacks and nightmares have started - they come and go but don't stay long.
I had to initiate NO CONTACT with all my family and my daughter. Do I feel alone? Yes. At times I do. But then, I have to stop to think that my life is so much better WITHOUT the added chaos and negativity from my family and daughter. Trying to move forward in order to heal is tough enough. Having negative, toxic people mixed with that? A NIGHTMARE.
But since then, I have been a lot more calmer. I see my trauma counselor every week, I started a website about my healing journey (myjourneyofhealing.weebly.com.) And I don't feel so frantic, depressed or manic now. Will I still have my days where I'm down? Sure. It's part of the healing journey. But now I know that with the dark days, comes much brighter ones.
These are the kinds of people that we have to walk away from. Yes, that means family too. Just because they are your family of origin doesn't mean that they have to be your family. This past May, I had to make a very crucial decision to walk away from ALL my family - both sides. Why? One side refused to acknowledge my abuse and the other side thinks my narcissistic mother could do no wrong. Neither side has been pleased with me being vocal about the abuse that lasted from3 years old until 18 years old. Which, in turn, caused me Severe Major Depression and PTSD.
I also had to break contact with my daughter. She has own set of issues and refuses to get help for herself. As a result, she is verbally attacking me because I REFUSE to give her 100% of my time and stop my walk on my healing journey from abuse.
So yes, it's hard. It's hard to let go. But ask yourself this question - How long do you want to keep on feeling this way? Don't you want to feel better? Don't you want to smile and be happy? I know I do. I don't see many of those days right now but when I get one day of that or even a couple of hours of that? I love it!
I wouldn't though be able to move forward had I not let go of all the negative, toxic people in my life. They created more chaos, kept me discouraged, and just generally didn't care about my welfare. I am glad I made the decision I made. Because of it, I am able to move forward on my healing journey.
Sometimes, though, it takes us awhile to figure out how to get that happiness. All it takes is a whisper of notion planted in our heads to show us and move us in the right direction. All it takes is for one positive, supportive, caring person to be there for us and with us on our journey to happiness so that we know we are not alone.
But we have to make the decision to take that first step and willing to take that step and not look back. It's hard. I know it's hard. I went through the same thing. You know, when we are in our "dark place", we know that what decisions we make we ALWAYS know what the outcome is going to be - not a good one most of the time.
But when we decide to move forward out of our "dark place"? It's scary and intimidating. We aren't sure if going in this other direction is going to work. But we have to try though. It's one avenue we haven't tried yet. So why not try it? What's the worse that could happen? Better yet, what's the best that could happen?
Moving forward requires that we move out of our "comfort zone". In doing so, it makes us vulnerable - a place we don't like to be in. Being vulnerable makes us feel scared, naked, and alone. But it doesn't have to be that way. All we need is one person to start with. For me, that one person was a Trauma Counselor that deals ONLY with trauma issues such as assault, rape, domestic violence, etc. It started with her.
Now, I have a few offline peeps that support me 100% as well as my husband, and a handful of online peeps that support me as well. Has my journey so far been easy? NO. NOT EVEN. In the beginning, I had emotions coming at me from out of no where. Those finally died down after about three weeks. My sleep pattern is bouncing back and forth - sometimes I can sleep with no help of a sleep aide and other times, I need a sleep aide to stay asleep. Flashbacks and nightmares have started - they come and go but don't stay long.
I had to initiate NO CONTACT with all my family and my daughter. Do I feel alone? Yes. At times I do. But then, I have to stop to think that my life is so much better WITHOUT the added chaos and negativity from my family and daughter. Trying to move forward in order to heal is tough enough. Having negative, toxic people mixed with that? A NIGHTMARE.
But since then, I have been a lot more calmer. I see my trauma counselor every week, I started a website about my healing journey (myjourneyofhealing.weebly.com.) And I don't feel so frantic, depressed or manic now. Will I still have my days where I'm down? Sure. It's part of the healing journey. But now I know that with the dark days, comes much brighter ones.