While we are on our healing journey, we have learned that between memories of the past their are many, many layers of just emotions that are sitting there waiting to come out. For many survivors, there are days where we are blindsided by these layers of emotions. Sometimes they will be attached to a trigger which is attached to a memory. Other times, there is nothing attached to them.
When we ask ourselves "Why am I feeling this emotion? What caused it?", sometimes there will be no answer. Why? Because for many a survivor, we repressed much pain, hurt, and anger among other emotions between abuses and/or traumas. We didn't have a choice but to repress them. For many of us, showing those emotions in front of our abuser or even close enough for the abuser to hear and see us, had very dire consequences.
So we repress all those emotions for many, many years... until the healing journey begins. The first time we get bombarded with that first layer of just emotions from the past, it's mind bending and crippling to say the least. We have forgotten what it's like to feel those feelings at that level. We tell ourselves to "Please stop. No more. I cannot handle it anymore." Yet it will stay but if only for a little while longer before it dies down.
We have made it through the first onslaught of repressed emotions. Now it's time to allow ourselves to grieve over it for something that has been apart of us, our friend that attached itself to us so long ago, is no longer attached to us. And has come to light, breathed it's last breath, then died... never coming back to us ever again. And so we mourn the passing of an old friend. We mourn because it was with us for so long, and we mourn because we it will no longer be a part of us ever again.
So now that we know this will occur off and on, we know what to expect, we know to let it come, let it breathe, then allow ourselves to mourn it's passing from our body, never to come back. Sometimes, the emotions will not be so painful. Other times we will want it to go away only to find out that it will not and that we just need to hang just for a little while longer that soon, the intensity will die down.
We are learning to feel once again. It sucks that it happens this way for many of us. And we would like for it to go back where it came from. But once we begin our healing journey, we have essentially unlocked our inner box that holds our memories and our repressed feelings., throwing the key away forever, never allowing that key to come back into our lives.
For we made a promise to ourselves to heal that which has been hurt, broken and destroyed so long ago. We made a promise that for the first time in our lives, that it's time to live the life that we should have lived. It is a life where our past no longer controls our present or our future. -- Peri
When we ask ourselves "Why am I feeling this emotion? What caused it?", sometimes there will be no answer. Why? Because for many a survivor, we repressed much pain, hurt, and anger among other emotions between abuses and/or traumas. We didn't have a choice but to repress them. For many of us, showing those emotions in front of our abuser or even close enough for the abuser to hear and see us, had very dire consequences.
So we repress all those emotions for many, many years... until the healing journey begins. The first time we get bombarded with that first layer of just emotions from the past, it's mind bending and crippling to say the least. We have forgotten what it's like to feel those feelings at that level. We tell ourselves to "Please stop. No more. I cannot handle it anymore." Yet it will stay but if only for a little while longer before it dies down.
We have made it through the first onslaught of repressed emotions. Now it's time to allow ourselves to grieve over it for something that has been apart of us, our friend that attached itself to us so long ago, is no longer attached to us. And has come to light, breathed it's last breath, then died... never coming back to us ever again. And so we mourn the passing of an old friend. We mourn because it was with us for so long, and we mourn because we it will no longer be a part of us ever again.
So now that we know this will occur off and on, we know what to expect, we know to let it come, let it breathe, then allow ourselves to mourn it's passing from our body, never to come back. Sometimes, the emotions will not be so painful. Other times we will want it to go away only to find out that it will not and that we just need to hang just for a little while longer that soon, the intensity will die down.
We are learning to feel once again. It sucks that it happens this way for many of us. And we would like for it to go back where it came from. But once we begin our healing journey, we have essentially unlocked our inner box that holds our memories and our repressed feelings., throwing the key away forever, never allowing that key to come back into our lives.
For we made a promise to ourselves to heal that which has been hurt, broken and destroyed so long ago. We made a promise that for the first time in our lives, that it's time to live the life that we should have lived. It is a life where our past no longer controls our present or our future. -- Peri