But tonight? I hadn't seen a night like tonight in four years. It's the kind of night I told myself I would never endure again and it happened again. You see, hubby was drinking at his normal pace. He started talking about how he'd gone through 10 beers and he didn't feel like he should at 10 beers.
When he said that, I knew my night was not going to go well. The last 8 beers of the the 18 pack, he was downing at a rate 5 minutes a piece. In the past, whenever he did that, he was mean and abusive towards me.
Tonight... a night I thought I would never see again, happened again. He wanted to go get more beer at 10 pm tonight because he wasn't as intoxicated as he thought he should be. I told him it was too late for him to be going out much less going out in his wheelchair, drunk beyond belief and taking a full beer with him.
I already knew that would spell tons of trouble for us here where we live. They don't tolerate open drunkeness at the apartments. It could get us kicked out as they provide a safe haven from drunks, addicts, etc. that draw riff raff to the apartments. These apartments are a safe haven and a safe zone from such things.
Well I tried to stop him from going out the door. I knew something bad would happen to him. In the process of me stopping him, he ran his full weight and full weight of his electric wheelchair over my right foot. I've got socks on at the moment and I'm so scared to look at my foot. It hurts really, really bad. My foot feels swollen and tight and pretty soon I'm going to have to get my foot propped up to take down the swelling.
But when he ran over my foot, he also used his elbow to jab my left shin to get it out of the way and jabbed his elbow twice in the middle of my chest to get me out of the way. By this time, he was absolutely furious!
He told me that this will not happen again as the next time if I tried to stop it again, he would kill me and that would solve all his problems. Immediately after saying that, he told me he loved me. Sounds of the past that weren't supposed to come back and did.
I haven't talked to him and he already doesn't remember the incident. He promised me that he would never do this to me and once again he broke his promise. I can't bring this to his attention because he won't believe anything I say.
In the past when I used to bring this behavior to his attention, first he said it didn't happen then he would turn right back around and say later that I deserved it that I should have left him alone.
I can't live like this. I can't go through this again. He won't get help for it, after all his says he doesn't have a problem. He says he'll promise to not do it again, and that doesn't work - he breaks his promises every single time. He won't do anything to change his behavior towards me, always saying that he's sorry that he will work on it but never does.
So I have to decide on what to do. I can't leave right now, I've just started my new lease and it won't end until August of next year. He won't get help, he won't change, and he still uses me for a punching bag and verbal dumping grounds. He always says he's sorry and that he'll work on changing it.
IT'S BEEN FOUR YEARS.... HOW LONG DOES A PERSON NEED BEFORE THEY STOP BREAKING THEIR PROMISES AND CHANGE? BETTER YET, HOW MUCH LONGER DO I WANT TO STAY IN THIS KIND OF RELATIONSHIP? I DON'T DESERVE THIS KIND OF TREATMENT AND I DON'T DESERVE TO BE TREATED THIS WAY....