So he asked Rusty what his definition of family was. To him, it's where people are in each other's lives and loves each other NO MATTER WHAT. And that tore at my heart big time. Here was this woman willing to take in a boy who'd never known what living in a stable family environment was like and she took the time to love him, care for him, and guide him. As a result, he turned into a fine young man.
But I digress. What triggered me wast he fact of what Rusty said his definition of family was. And I didn't grow up with that. Not in the slightest bit. I grew up knowing what a family environment shouldn't be. And you know what sucks even worse? It's still continuing today.
My mom and step dad love me but don't trust me. As my step dad put it "You haven't changed one bit. You're still manipulating people to get what you want." And that's what love is? Really? That's crap.
I found out what true love really is by a family member in the form of my father n law. He was the best man I ever knew. He proved to me by showing me how to love a child. No matter what my husband did in his life, his father had already forgiven him before it was even asked. He always looked and hoped that his son would do better.
And he did finally and showed it to his father. Dad was so proud! But you see, not once did Dad hold anything or say harsh words over my husband no matter how badly he messed up. He was always positive and said, "Keep on keeping on." He always believed in my husband.
And when I came into the picture, he felt the same about me. He should me what UNCONDITIONAL LOVE is. It is the purest form of love that has no conditions attached to it. NONE. And now that he's gone, I find myself missing him so much. For a brief point in time, he showed me pure love, plain and simple.
My family today, on the other hand, DO NOT. Their love is filled with conditions, turning their backs on me when I had a stroke a few weeks into a christian rehab. My mother told the rehab they would not be helping me out - she's used us long enough when they called to see if I could recuperate there until I was well enough to come back to the rehab.
Love is telling me over and over again, that I'm still a dope fiend and a manipulator that hasn't changed. Love is telling me what a lousy person I am. That's what my family calls love. It is conditional and they don't trust me at all. PERIOD.
But not my father n law. He never had a hard word to say. NEVER. And I miss him so much. I miss not being able to talk to him in my time of need. I miss having a positive parent backing me up on my healing journey and loving me unconditionally. I love you and miss you Dad and hubby loves and misses you too.