- Threatening to leave - Every time me and hubby get into an argument over me wanting to talk about some serious issues, it almost always ends with him threatening to leave but never does. I get so tired of him not wanting to talk about deep, serious issues. He avoids them at all costs. As a result, my love for him gets less and less
- Making you afraid by using looks, gestures or actions - In the early part of our marriage, he would look at me with pure hatred, ball up his fists, and threaten to hurt me if I didn't do as he wished. For 20 years, I have done just that. But during that time, he has hit me countless times during our addiction years. I've received more black, blue, purple, yellow and green bruises than I should. At the beginning of our marriage, he said he would never hit me - that was a lie.
Now when I stand up for myself, he gives me those looks like he used to before in order to intimidate me to back down. It doesn't work anymore and I call his bluff. I tell him "What you going to hit me again to get your way? Or are you going to break something, blaming it on me because I refused to do as I'm told." That only makes him madder.
- Smashing things- Back in early 2010, hubby got drunk and we got into an argument. I don't remember what the argument was about but I remember it being pretty bad. He warned me to back off and I wouldn't. He then threw the flat screen remote at the flat screen 3 times and broke the screen. He said it was all my fault that I made him do it. And it would repeatedly remind of this every time we go into an argument for three more years.
- Controlling you through minimizing, denying and blaming - This has never stopped. Never not once in our 25 years of marriage. Only once in every blue, blue moon and I do mean the bluest of moons, will he admit when he's in the wrong. But the other 98% of the time? He's never wrong.
Also, he denies that he has any issues from his past. If that were true, then why does he have such need to control me? Why does he need to always be right on EVERYTHING? Why does he refuse to sit down and discuss issues on things he does to me?
- Making light of the abuse and not taking your concerns about it seriously - He expects me to hurry up and heal from my abuse. He also thinks that what works for him should work for me. Of course, he never healed from his stuff. But if you ask him, he says he did. Really? Why does he have trust issues then? Can't ask him that or anything else on a serious level because he doesn't want to look at all the stuff he's doing to me.
- Continually criticizing you, calling you names, shouting at you - This still continues today. Hubby's favorite word he calls me is "cunt" repeatedly over and over. Says that I am my narcissist mother's twin and I act EXACTLY like her. Plus anything else he feels compelled to call at the time he's mad at me because I won't do as I 'm told.
- Emotionally degrading you in private, but acting charming in public - This still goes on. When I don't do as I'm told, he berates me and calls me names until I'm mad, hurt, and upset and I walk away. Even then, he will still keep it up until he hears me crying and then he'll stop. But when we were out in public? Whole different personality. I always had to pretend that everything was peachy fine. I could never show my hurt and my pain in public or suffer the consequences from hubby. It's not like I didn't know how to put on a fake face in order to keep hell from raining down on me - I learned from the best. I learned from my family.
- Humiliating you in private or public - Early in our marriage, I never wanted to go out to with hubby. I never knew how he was going to act. Especially at restaurants - it was really, really bad. If the food didn't meet his approval, he ranted and raved loudly for everyone to hear. And if it still came back and didn't meet his approval, he made a spectacle of himself when eating. He would grab handfuls of food and shove it into his mouth and eat that way until all the food was gone.
In private, it is much worse. When he wants to win an argument, he will verbally tear me down until I'm in tear, angry, and upset at him. When I have reached this point, he will then stop. - Expects you to be a servant - This still continues today. Because I've been hubby's servant for so long and taking care of everything, been at his beck and call for 20 years, I'm burnt out. But that doesn't matter to hubby. He wants what he wants when he wants it. I can no longer do that anymore. As a result, he doesn't like it.